Monday, July 6, 2009

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?
PARDON MY YELLING.
IT'S LOUD IN HERE.

WE GOT HOME LATE FRIDAY NIGHT.
I STEPPED ON A DAMP RUG GETTING MY NIGHTLY GLASS OF WATER.
WATER I LEAVE BY THE BED AND USUALLY DON'T DRINK.
I LOOKED UNDER THE RUG.
I NOTICED THE FLOOR BOARDS WERE WARPED AND DAMP.
THE DISHWASHER HAD A SLOOOOOW LEAK WHILE WE WERE GONE.
WE WERE GONE 10 DAYS.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
IT'S LOUD IN HERE.

WE FOUND WATER HAD DRIP DRIP DRIPPED DOWN TO THE BASEMENT.
IT SOAKED A FEW THINGS WE DON'T CARE ABOUT.
I'M GLAD THERE'S A CLOSET BELOW THE KITCHEN.
I'M GLAD MOST OF WHAT WAS IN THE CLOSET IS IN PLASTIC BINS.
I PRETTY MUCH LOVE PLASTIC BINS.
THE HUMIDIFIER LEAKED TOO, IN THE SAME WET CLOSET.
IT'S A COINKEYDINK, THEY TELL ME.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?
THE NOISE IS DEAFENING.
I SAID IT'S LOUD IN HERE.

CERTIFIED RESTORATION'ERS ARRIVED TO SAVE US.
THEY TORE UP THE WARPED BOARDS AND DRILLED HOLES IN THE FLOOR.
THEY LEFT A DORM-FRIDGE-ON-STEROIDS HUMIDIFIER AND A BLUE-KETTLE-DRUM FAN.
BOTH SOUND LIKE AIRPLANE ENGINES.
I HAVE TWO AIRPLANE ENGINES IN THE KITCHEN.
AND I HAVE TWO MORE DRUMS AND A FRIDGE ROARING IN THE BASEMENT.

TIL THURSDAY.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
GOT IBUPROFEN?
WHAT'S IN YOUR BASEMENT?
CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!





6 comments:

Tracy P. said...

How can you make a disaster so hilarious??!! I'm going deaf as it is, so I don't envy you in the least!

"I pretty much love plastic bins." :-) I bet!

Woman in a Window said...

What? That dishwasher was leaking steady for ten days? And all of that resulted? Remind me never to leave for ten days!

flutter said...

well, crap.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

We just moved into this house, the previous tenants left in the middle of the night. We've had two horrendous floods in 3 weeks, turns out they clogged the main line with plastic, grease and debris. What a nightmare. I feel you pain.

Schmutzie said...

Holy crap but that's nuts. I've had to live with noisy fans after a leak, too. If there's ever a good time to temporarily run away from home, it's now.

Givinya De Elba said...

SPEAK UP! WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU SAID ... YOU DID?!? THAT'S AWFUL. I'M SO SORRY!