Thursday, November 13, 2008

Lessons at the "house of cookie tossing"

My friend Laura sent me an email earlier this week. Lessons at the "house of cookie tossing" was the subject. I told her tonight that I was going to steal it for my blog. She didn't object.

Laura and I each have a daughter who plays the oboe. The oboe teacher comes to our house for lessons on a sort of weekly basis, and sometimes Laura and her daughter come over so her daughter can have a lesson after El. Tuesday was supposed to be lesson day, but thanks to Mo we became the "house of cookie tossing" instead. Lessons were canceled by the email with the fabulous subject line that I just can't let fade into cyber oblivion. Apparently, no one wanted to enter the "house of cookie tossing". I wouldn't have entered either, but I live here. I had to.

Having fully explained the title, it's time to move on to the non-oboe related lessons learned this week by those of us (or maybe just me) here at the "house of cookie tossing".

1. If you don't eat breakfast you might get a sugar low after church at, say, 12:19. You might embarrass yourself and your family by your irrational behavior. Just eat something, and avoid that whole scene.

2. If you volunteer to be one of the 'pasta moms' for your daughter's school chorus trip fundraiser, make sure the pasta arrives when no one is "tossing cookies" and rendered unavailable to help sort and repackage 4500 dollars worth of 'fun pasta'. Also make sure that a few more adults than two and a few more teenagers than one will be doing the job.

3. If, while cleaning the back yard poop, you happen to step in poop, and if you leave your shoes on the back step to dry off, take care of them before it rains. The poop will be washed off nicely by the rain, but your favorite clunky Land's End shoes that you have had for like five years, that you paid too much for, that have held up to everything, will get ruined. You will have to replace them, and it takes forever to get shoes broken in on account of that bone that sticks out on the back of your foot. Blisters will be involved. You will have added guilt because some people in this world don't even have shoes, and your ruined ones would be a blessing to them.

4. If you must eat the leftover Halloween candy, do not crunch on the DumDum pops with your 10 year old crown. You know, the one on the left. In the back. That one. You will break your crown. You will have to get a new one. This is not pleasant.

5. If you do break your crown, and the office person comes to tell you after you are all numbed up that it's going to cost $616, ask if they will honor the $100 coupon they sent you a couple of weeks ago, even though you can't find it. Then ask if they can please check on the insurance on more time because you think that you may have some coverage, not none. Then when they tell you you are correct and it will be $308 instead, wipe the drool off your chin, swallow all of your pride and ask in a small sweet voice, would they still honor the coupon you can't find? Then when they say yes, but there is still the $50 deductible to pay and the crown you thought would cost you $616 is really gonna cost $258, write a check and get out of there before someone changes their mind.

6. Never crunch a DumDum with your crown. The DumDum will win.

7. A peppermint chocolate chip shake from Chick-Fil-A is quite nice after hanging your mouth open for a couple of hours at the dentist.

Well, that's all the lessons we have for you today here at the "house of cookie tossing". Here's to no more cookies being tossed, and to lessons not having to be relearned.


Denise K. said...

Oh you poor thing! I feel your pain, literally and figuratively! Our daughter had been sick, and if you need a laugh you can read our account of similar cookie tossing on a recent post. It is never fun, but just think, now you have served your stomach flu for the year and will be free and clear during the holidays! A blessing indeed!

Oh the tooth saga...I am so sorry...I love candy, (loved your dum dum story and candies and Pepsi for breakfast...I think we'd get along just fine!)

Since I had a crown on Mon. I can so related to your story and how insurance only covers 80% of the cost..I too was shocked at my bill thinking, "But we have insurance!" The two hours in the dentist chair is rough, and all the grinding, smoothing, just plain tiring. Mine still hurts when I eat, and I am wondering if I should go back and have the bite looked at...does yours bother you?

Off for now but wishing you healthy days ahead! Tomorrow, take a nap! I give you permission! :-)

P.S. "Mercy Project" is back with posts as I saw you had followed from time to time...just a FYI...more on this later...

Deb said...

i was all ready to comment on #3, because i have lost many a shoe while they were waiting patiently on the porch to be de-pooped. however, by the time i got to #5, i was laughing too hard. i know, i know... i have never met you, but the visual i have of the whole dental visit is priceless. the way you wrote it had me in stitches. and i have to say, "you go girl!"

now listen, i am wondering if God is trying to tell me something YET AGAIN (twice in one week?). why else would the chik-fil-a peppermint milkshake come up two times in 24 hours. He must be leading me back to the mall. surely i can find something that needs to be returned. oh, and i will be sure to hang onto my keys this time.

Deb said...

ps: i hope everyone is feeling better! cookie tossing is NOT fun. sounds like it has been a crazy week for many of us.

Star Forbis said...

I actually "Laughed out Loud!" ;)

womaninawindow said...

Oh man, you got off so easy. I had no insurance, no coupon. It wasn't a DumDum but a jawbreaker that did look remarkably like gum. $600!

Tracy P. said...

Oh no!! Make it a Milky Way next time. That is awful!

imbeingheldhostage said...

OMGosh you are so funny. Dumdums should be banned from the house-- way to go with the coupon!